Search results for Beef hoody floating river
Rough Chuckles
10 natural language results (1981 ms)
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Roast Beef Riverspotting https://achewood.com/2005/07/01/title.html
[[Young Ray and Roast Beef are in a dark room. Roast Beef looks stricken.]] Ray: It's okay, Beef! Right! Everything is cool, man! Ray: Beef? Ray: Look, Beef! I'm hitting myself! I'm hitting myself! Look! [[Roast Beef continues to hold his head in his hands and cry.]] SOON. ...[[Young Ray and Roast Beef are in a dark room. Roast Beef looks stricken.]] Ray: It's okay, Beef! Right! Everything is cool, man! Ray: Beef? Ray: Look, Beef! I'm hitting myself! I'm hitting myself! Look! [[Roast Beef continues to hold his head in his hands and cry.]] SOON. Ray: Do you think that was really your dad? Roast Beef: A stitch in time saves nine I guess Ray: What's a stitch in time? Is that like black hole theory? Roast Beef: Look Ray I'll meet you at your house later okay [[Roast Beef walks along the sidewalk of his neighborhood and hops over the side of a bridge]] HOP PUBLIC BRIDGE - 1902 [[Roast Beef falls into the water and floats on his back, still wearing his shorts and hoodie.]] {{Alt-text: The dude is from Circumstances.}}
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Love On Paper https://achewood.com/2007/05/23/title.html
[[Roast Beef, wearing a hoodie, walking alone, thinks:]]"Will you marry me" ...and just like that two folks set in motion the greatest and most drawn-out tragedy which is namely that in fifty years one of them has promised to sit there and watch the person that matters the most t...[[Roast Beef, wearing a hoodie, walking alone, thinks:]]"Will you marry me" ...and just like that two folks set in motion the greatest and most drawn-out tragedy which is namely that in fifty years one of them has promised to sit there and watch the person that matters the most to them die And that's the best-case scenario Roast Beef [[Thinking]]: Man Ray doesn't have to go through any of this stomach-achin' existential mess and lose his soup in the sink in stolen moments besides He just gets to act all The Man 'cause he likes love [[Beef vaults over the edge of a bridge: "PUBLIC BRIDGE - 1902"]] [[Roast Beef plummets towards the stream]] [[Roast Beef floats in the water, face up]] Roast Beef [[Thinking]]: Dang and Jesus already I am being idiotic about this why can't I just type up a pro/con list like a half-ways logical man SOON. [[Roast Beef's typed list:]] "Should I get married to Molly" v0.9b PROS She can basically abide me without developing her own massive personal problems (4+ years) That time she heard I had never been on an Easter Egg hunt so she made one in the house but with deviled eggs I guess I should talk about *her* qualities actually... I can put my chin on her head when we stand up [[The list, continued:]] CONS She may not want to watch my gross ass die for fifty years If she wants to get divorced she will probably have to wait in a massive government line If we have a baby it will also eventually have to watch my gross ass die and probably dish out mad cash to boot holy god am I actually typing this up I have less balls than a carrot listening to violin music asdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasd {{Alt text: Roast Beef wrote the book on rewriting and then deleting the book}}
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REI Womb https://chrisonstad.blogspot.com/2005/03/rei-womb.htmlBlog post "Awesome!" A Blog.
Well, our shoulder sling thing that I carry the baby in while I work isn't from REI, but it looks sporty/cargo-ish. If Geoff Probst had a baby and needed to take it to the Survivor set, he would carry it in one of these. "Survivors, please take care of my baby for 8-10 hours whi...Well, our shoulder sling thing that I carry the baby in while I work isn't from REI, but it looks sporty/cargo-ish. If Geoff Probst had a baby and needed to take it to the Survivor set, he would carry it in one of these. "Survivors, please take care of my baby for 8-10 hours while I catch up on rest. You all have immunity and you win the Texas hamburger bar." She is pretty happy to sleep in there, since out of all of the things in the world so far it's the one that most resembles the cramped quarters of a placenta bag (only it doesn't smell like a hot butcher shop). Is there an "exploratorium" in your city? San Francisco has one. There are all these crazy scientific displays. It'd be cool if an exploratorium filled a bunch of inflatable river rafts with hot Beef-flavored Jell-O, then dumped them into a big pool of exactly the same density of hot loose Beef Jell-O, and then dumped your naked body into it. Also, instead of not having a strip of hot liver under your nose, you would have one. The exhibit could be called "I'm Baby!" and there could be photos. Please call me, Mayor Gavin Newsome or Exploratorium Staff, to discuss royalty structures.
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Ray Has the Munchies, "HARD-type." Téodor Helps. (pdf) https://www.patreon.com/Achewood/posts/ray-has-munchies-92134901
wrong things to do, and wind up in the bottom of a river. (Ask me about Smacks Peel’s last birthday sometime...let me just say it’s a good thing that everyone in the taxi had health insurance, that the taxi was insured, that the city had insurance, that insurance answers the phon...
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The Ring. https://achewood.com/2007/06/04/title.html
[[Roast Beef is standing in front of a Tiffany & Co. store, contemplating on entering it.]] [[Roast Beef walks away.]] Roast Beef, thinking: Man I can't go in there and buy a ring they'd probably throw a shoe at me or try to lure me out with a rubber Kid Rock CD [[Roast Beef gr...[[Roast Beef is standing in front of a Tiffany & Co. store, contemplating on entering it.]] [[Roast Beef walks away.]] Roast Beef, thinking: Man I can't go in there and buy a ring they'd probably throw a shoe at me or try to lure me out with a rubber Kid Rock CD [[Roast Beef grinds his teeth.]] Roast Beef, thinking: But I ain't want to go to a no reputation joint I mean I ain't know a diamond from extremely great salt Dude could sell me a kidney stone from a Mongolian Land Rat and I'd be all "oh how glamorous just like Charlize Theron in that one scene" Narrator: IT BEARS RESEARCH. [[Roast Beef is sitting in front of a computer reading information on diamonds, which appears in the background as floating texts.]] Text: THE FOR C'S: CUT COLOR CLARITY COMPLETELY BULLSHIT GEM QUALITY RATING SYSTEM THAT MEANS NOTHING TO THE NAKED EYE ONCE YOU LEAVE THE STORE Text: AFRICAN BLOOD DIAMONDS FINANCE THE MURDER OF CHILDREN Text: OPERATION H.E.T.E.R.O.S.E.X S.C.H.M.U.C.K. [[Close-up of a welding gun and a "ring" with a circuit board on top.]] Roast Beef from off-frame: Man diamonds ain't special but that they cost so damn much How about a little board blinkin' 03-10-03 the day we met at least that has somethin' to do with anything {{alt-text: Tiffany & Co. is the nation's largest importer of zero-liability Kid Rock CD simulacra.}}
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Shootout in the ER https://achewood.com/2004/06/04/title.html
[[Roast Beef Is floating through space, ever nearer to heaven while Ray gets in a shootout with his Uncle Culpepper in the ER]] {{no dialogue}}
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Barry's a Complainer https://achewood.com/2004/01/22/title.html
[[Barry has his head out of the water with a can of beer floating in front of him]] Barry: ...so I was like look, it's bad enough I work in a purse factory - but now you're gonna FIRE me?! [[Wider view showing Roast Beef in a boat with a beer listening to Barry]] Barry: Then I g...[[Barry has his head out of the water with a can of beer floating in front of him]] Barry: ...so I was like look, it's bad enough I work in a purse factory - but now you're gonna FIRE me?! [[Wider view showing Roast Beef in a boat with a beer listening to Barry]] Barry: Then I gotta wait in line for unemployment - boy was THAT a hassle! [[Close up of Barry]] Barry: When I get to the front they're all outta forms in English so I gotta use the SPANISH ones! [[Close up of Beef in the boat]] Barry: Sheesh! Meanwhile they tell me my mom's condition is gettin' worse and that she's gonna need live-in help! Beef: (Thinking) Oh my god Beef: (Thinking) Barry's a complainer. How do these guys always find me Beef: (Thinking) Here I am all hangin' out by myself. He offers me a beer. Acts interested in me. [[Back to Barry in the water]] Barry: Anyhow, next thing I know the cops are there and I'm gettin' DEPORTED! [[View of Barry and Beef]] Barry: Listen, I ain't back in the States legally yet... It's cool if I can crash at your place for a few, right? {{Alt text: Barry bass is such an idiot that he accidentally got deported}}
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GOLDEN TABLOID https://achewood.com/2016/11/18/title.html
Dang, man! We finally found the right strain ’a weed for Beef! Oh, hee hee hee! Oh just hee hee! GOLDEN TABLOID How you doin’, Beef! Delightful? At all bad? Whuh, ah’m just pleased as punch, handsome! So weird he’s using a flirty Scarlett O’Hara voice! Yeah, that’s one part ...Dang, man! We finally found the right strain ’a weed for Beef! Oh, hee hee hee! Oh just hee hee! GOLDEN TABLOID How you doin’, Beef! Delightful? At all bad? Whuh, ah’m just pleased as punch, handsome! So weird he’s using a flirty Scarlett O’Hara voice! Yeah, that’s one part he ain’t doin’ right, but otherwise dude’s on a textbook bakedown. Whuh, whyey what ah’m havin’! Beef! You at all imaginin’ a vivid drownin’ death in real low light conditions or anything? Like in the brig of a sinkin’ ship? Now, whah would ah do a foolish li’l old thing lahk that? That’s his go-to stop light and Netflix-buffering thought! This is totally the strain, dude! We have to find a way to get it into his brain at all times. Let’s you hit the drawin’ board, T. SOON. Okay, so, uh, what’s goin’ on here, T? TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP Auto-vape chamber applies THC directly into forehead capillary bed via studded transdermal pad... Hoody covers all. Genius in plain sight! CONTINUES... Roast Beef has never driven across a bridge without imagining its collapse and his method of escape from his vehicle.
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Coming in 2009 https://achewood.com/2009/01/06/title.html
Title: Coming in 2009 Title shows Teodor with a floating ball, looking serious, Phillippe looking like he's seven, and Ray looking perplexed at the head of Todd impaled on a stick. The Story of Lyle Standing in front of a souped-up volkswagen beetle, Lyle drinking beer from a c...Title: Coming in 2009 Title shows Teodor with a floating ball, looking serious, Phillippe looking like he's seven, and Ray looking perplexed at the head of Todd impaled on a stick. The Story of Lyle Standing in front of a souped-up volkswagen beetle, Lyle drinking beer from a can, talking to a girl with a serious mullet, drinking from a can and smoking. Lyle: We're fucked, babe. Gator beat town with all the gear from the cabinet shop. Girl: I done TOLE you not to get that loan in your name! Now you ain't never gonna get no credit no more and I sure as HELL ain't marryin' no dishwasher Subtext reads: Gainesville, 1989 Three panels follow titled "ALSO, Inappropriate instruments of affection" Philippe on a black and white tv, dressed in an army uniform, possibly referencing nazi attire. Philippe: Ladies and Gentlemen, I command your attention! Philippe: AHEM... Tonight is a new beginning! tonight is the first night of... Philippe, stern: Cüddlenacht! Another three panels follow titled "All-new Continuity errors! 'Can you spot them all?'" Ray, dressed in shorts with pockets, talking to Roast Beef on the phone Ray: Hey Beef, you had dinner yet? Ray: Yeah, me too. Couple tacos Ray: Alright. Talk to you later, dogg The last three panels follow titled "And... Roomba Cinema Mash-ups" The movies are "Amadeus" and "Some kind of wonderful" Showing Teodor as Mozart and Roast Beef as Antonio Salieri in Amadeus Mozart, singing "AH HA HA HA HAAAAAA": You always knew you were going to get these earrings, didn't you, Salieri? Mozart puts earrings on Salieri, who is crying Salieri: Let's always be working class okay Mozart Salieri Let's not kid ourselves and try to be all rich like how those jerks are Mozart: These earrings will symbolize the Utopian fraud of wealth Ah HA ha ha HAAA! Alt-text: After the last panel, Mozart whispers TAE YM TIHS
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Beef's "Me" Day https://achewood.com/2003/08/18/title.html
Roast Beef: Man I am sick of all this bull crap Roast Beef: I think I'm gonna take a "me" day [[Roast Beef is obscured by several receipts]] Roast Beef: Go on down to the underground and live it up Beef-style Roast Beef: I got MY way of doing things and MY way of lookin' so PIS...Roast Beef: Man I am sick of all this bull crap Roast Beef: I think I'm gonna take a "me" day [[Roast Beef is obscured by several receipts]] Roast Beef: Go on down to the underground and live it up Beef-style Roast Beef: I got MY way of doing things and MY way of lookin' so PISS OFF [[Receipt: TOSHI'S FINE TEPPANYAKI HIDDEN HILLS LOC #38 1 EARLY BIRD SURF/TURF SPECIAL $19.99 2 ASAHI $18.00 PMPKN PIE 1 PC $5.99 TAX @ 8.25% $3.63 PLEASE PAY CASHIER: $47.61 9:32AM 8/15/2003 TRY OUR OTHER LOCATIONS]] [[Receipt: UNDERPANTS TIME AT THE HIDDEN HILLS SHOPPING PLAZA 8.15.2003 9:41A WHT MENS BRIEF SIZE L QTY 365 365 @ $2.99 = $1091.35 TAX @ 8.25% $1181.28 CASH $1200.00 CHANGE $18.72 THANKS FOR SHOPPING AT UNDERPANTS TIME WHERE ITS ALWAYS TIME FOR UNDER PANTS]] [[Receipt: CROWN HAT BOOKSELLERS LOC #8941 HIDDEN HILLS PLAZA RESOURCE DESCRIPTION FRAMEWORK (RDF) AND XML - O'REILLY $59.99 WIRED MAG $5.99 BLACK LICORICE CHEWS $2.98 TAX @ 8.25% = $5.69 TOTAL = $74.65 CASH $75.00 CHANGE DISB: $0.35 9:54AM 8/15/2003]] {{alt text: teppanyaki is where the japanese chef does noisy knife tricks in front of you while making fast food}}
