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Image 1: IT’S ANOTHER...THE ACHEWOOD... SHEEP ROAST OCT 4, 2007 “MANAGING TODD” achewood : achewood.com Boss holds a telephone to his ear.]] Well, how much underwear DID you eat? Boss listens on the telephone.]] Boss reacts, still on the telephone.]] That’s it? Boss gestures while talking on the telephone.]] Of course they’ll let you on the plane! Just don’t act like anything’s wrong! Boss continues gesturing emphatically.]] No they ain’t gonna know just by lookin’ in your eyes! Act normal, and get on the damn plane! We filmin’ our first episode tonight, Todd! Boss shouts into the telephone.]] HEY! Ain’t no stewards gonna hear it digestin’ in you, Todd! LISTEN TO ME! HEY! DO...DO NOT CUT IT OUT OF YOU! NO ONE CAN HEAR UNDERWEAR ONCE IT’S INSIDE OF YOU! TODD! TODD! SOON. [[Teodor films as Boss prepares to leave.]] Where are you going? We start taping in four hours. Vegas. The Talented Dr. Sniffles just gave his bad self a whale tail-ectomy on the sharpened corner of an Emeril Lagasse franchise. Back in three. 1. This one is actually off to a pretty good start. If you haven’t listened to any of Bob Newhart’s old stand-up routines where you only hear his half of a weird phone call, you’re in for a gold-bar comedy treat. 2. This implies there is a threshold of underwear-eating beneath which things are fine. 3. Let’s talk about eating underwear for a moment. Consuming intimate garments is undoubtedly a real fetish, but what deep psychological need does it accomplish or satisfy? (Please assure yourself that even if you gave a clinically correct answer, it would probably not generate a wave of converts to the pastime, leading to pilfered clotheslines across the nation. But we still do very much want to hear your thoughts.) 4. It is inaccurate for Ray to suggest that a stewardess will not think anything is wrong with Todd. 5. The “whale tail-ectomy/Emeril Lagasse franchise” concept is a clumsy, overly complicated, and anatomically unlikely way to close this strip. The overarching concept -- of managing a phone call with a man who is so paranoid about the amount of underwear he has eaten that he will harm himself to get it out (devotees of Edgar Allan Poe’s The Tell-Tale Heart will enjoy you forwarding this strip to them) -- is good enough. Again, my childhood fears of inadequacy have caused my work to stutter and overperform upon landing. If I could write Ray’s last response all over again, it would simply read, “Vegas. There’s a reason celebrities fly private, and it ain’t cause they’re too good for us.” Panty Raid (3/8/2004 – 2/26/2025) was an American Thoroughbred racehorse. She won the 2007 Black-Eyed Susan Stakes, yet still ranked behind Rags to Riches overall that year.

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