Search results for Emeril’s pants don’t fit
Rough Chuckles
10 natural language results (1467 ms)
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Penultimate Wedding Montage https://achewood.com/2008/07/03/title.html
Emeril (thinking): Oh heavens to Betsy Curse you sweet congee These pants are a prison Roast Beef (thinking): Man if you got to RENT a tuxedo then you should not WEAR a tuxedo What kind of airs is that baloney? Why should I dress like SOMEBODY ELSE at MY wedding?! [[Sign: Penin...Emeril (thinking): Oh heavens to Betsy Curse you sweet congee These pants are a prison Roast Beef (thinking): Man if you got to RENT a tuxedo then you should not WEAR a tuxedo What kind of airs is that baloney? Why should I dress like SOMEBODY ELSE at MY wedding?! [[Sign: Peninsula, Police uniforms - Firefighter, Open to the public]] [[Volgidanian Wedding Song]] Vlad: Achem. May they not split, When you die and fall down, <<PTOO!>> May they not shun your widow, Like Hguleb the Tinkerer's. Now go and make love, if you can stand her smell. [[Laughter, all drink.]] 7:00:00am - Crumb coat tier 1 of cake to prepare for frosting. 7:00:50am - Rows 30-32. CHAIRS DONE. 7:02:00am - Mince cooled mushrooms for duxelle. Remove puff pastry from freezer. 7:03:00am - Set table 1. 7:04:15am - Remove beef tenderloins from fridge. 7:04:30am - Set table 2. 7:05:45am - Crumb coat tier 2. 7:06:30am - iPod - Put The Who "Heaven and Hell, Live at Leeds" on repeat for next eight hours. 7:07:00am - Start 30 quarts water on boil for blanching green beans. Given 30qts weigh 60 lbs, and starting temp of 70F, need to raise water by 142F to boil. 142 degrees X 60 lbs water = 8520 BTU needed... can that be right? Burner is 30k BTU...get back to this one**** 7:07:30am - Trim 20 lbs green beans while stock pot fills 7:10:00am - Remove lamb stew from fridge 7:10:30am - Make sure at least two cameras are charging. Camera two will be video only. Get lanyards. <<Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap>> Chopped Iceberg Salad with Ranch Dressing and Crumbled Tortilla Chips or Welsh Rarebit -- Nimian Beef Wellington, Green Beans and Gilroy Garlic Mashed Potatoes or Colorado Lamb Cawl Stew, Modesto Cheddar Gougeres Roast Beef (on telephone): Yeah uh T thanks for humorin' me with the menu I think it is like exactly what will make everybody happy Teodor (on telephone): Man, I'm sorry about all that. I think the worst thing a cook can do is give people things they don't want to eat. Roast Beef (on telephone): Yes that is the sensible angle Molly's mother: It helps a girl in the womb to become a boy if you kill a fish. Take a fine trout, still fighting, and kill it in front of your eyes. Do not look away. Molly: Yes, mother. AIBOs: <<Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm>>
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Back to Where We Left Off. https://achewood.com/2010/09/23/title.html
What...whatchu guys doin'...Connie... Here, Raymond. Drink this. Roast Beef and Téodor are in a bad way with that Nice Pete specimen and your assistance is needed. What...what is it... It's an unfashionable mixture of spirits, vinegared condiments, and things that go "cluck" i...What...whatchu guys doin'...Connie... Here, Raymond. Drink this. Roast Beef and Téodor are in a bad way with that Nice Pete specimen and your assistance is needed. What...what is it... It's an unfashionable mixture of spirits, vinegared condiments, and things that go "cluck" in the night... ...not unlike a Fix-a-Flat for the hard charging man-about-town. Time is of the essence I--EMERIL! You neck-breathin' earth gypsy! Get off the bed! I can't BELIEVE you'd think anybody would want you to be on a bed! OWWWW! Chug-a-lug, my good man. Look to heaven while it goes the other way. Gimme It will take about ten seconds. Picture Rita Hayworth ascending a ziggurat in gossamer harem pants. The focus is soft, the grin ethereal...are you with me? I'm more of a "Petra Verkaik with the Cocoa Butter in the Library" kind of problem solver, but we all from decades, you know. SSSORP AM NAM NAM! NAM NAM NAM! NAM NAM NAM NAM NAM NAM NAM NAM KOODGE! PE IPE IYEEEE! SOON. Yo, Emeril. Sorry 'bout the slur. It was just a statement from the part of me that's how I am. Connie, that drink did a clear grody in my brain. We gon' talk beverage line after we sort this all out, yo. Abraham Lincoln shoots a dog that ate a computer.
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Strip Roast: Oct 4, 2007, “MANAGING TODD” (the one where Todd eats "too much" underwear) https://www.patreon.com/Achewood/posts/strip-roast-oct-127380473
Image 1: IT’S ANOTHER...THE ACHEWOOD... SHEEP ROAST OCT 4, 2007 “MANAGING TODD” achewood : achewood.com Boss holds a telephone to his ear.]] Well, how much underwear DID you eat? Boss listens on the telephone.]] Boss reacts, still on the telephone.]] That’s it? Boss gestures whil...
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Philippe's creekbed bedside https://achewood.com/2006/04/11/title.html
[[Philippe is sleeping outside, shivering in the freezing night.]] << zzzzzzzzzz brrrrrr zzzzzzzz brrrrrr>> [[Scene change: A tunnel built into a cliff. Something is wheeling out of it.]] <<< scree scree scree >> [[Two horribly burnt figures appear: a bald slim charecter wearin...[[Philippe is sleeping outside, shivering in the freezing night.]] << zzzzzzzzzz brrrrrr zzzzzzzz brrrrrr>> [[Scene change: A tunnel built into a cliff. Something is wheeling out of it.]] <<< scree scree scree >> [[Two horribly burnt figures appear: a bald slim charecter wearing a hankerchief, shirt and pants (with a protosis on the left leg.) and a a fat legless character strapped into a wheelchair wearing a cap, black sweater and pants.]] [[Scene change: Ray, Teodor, Roast Beef and Emeril are drinking.]] Ray: So, like I was sayin'! When you gonna drop the ring on Molly, Beef? Roast Beef: Dogg you only want a wedding so you can gruffle a kilogram of bacon-wrapped shrimp All dipping the broccoli so deep into the ranch dressing that your cuff is rolled and you are pulling up the bracelet with the other hand [[Ray is patting Roast Beef in the back. Beef is taking a sip of his beverage.]] Ray: This is him! This is my guy! That's why he's my guy! <<Heh!>><< Sip>> [[Scene change: Cory staring into the reader.]] [[Zell points at something.]] [[The two figures' backs are shown. They are standing in front of the sleeping Philippe.]] <<zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz>> [[Only Philippe's knapsack remains. The two figures have presumably taken Philipe with them.]] Philipe from off-scene: I...zzz...Teodor...snif...beddy-bye... {{Alt Text: ...}}
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Picking Out My Dudes https://rbeef.blogspot.com/2007/10/picking-out-my-dudes.htmlBlog post grep
Man it is a childish thing but when you go to wear the pants with the stripe that shines you got to name your dudes in order. You got to choose your number one, then a couple to trot behind him. Why do we have to order our friends. I guess it's part of the intelligence of the cer...Man it is a childish thing but when you go to wear the pants with the stripe that shines you got to name your dudes in order. You got to choose your number one, then a couple to trot behind him. Why do we have to order our friends. I guess it's part of the intelligence of the ceremony design, makes us see where we stand at this juncture, who matters. But damn if it didn't do a raw one on me. First of all, I always knew Ray would be my best man. I also always knew that my brother Michael ("Showbiz") couldn't even be counted on to be alive or paroled, and I never much felt connected with him besides. My mom always made us act like friends but it was a hell of raunch lie. So I went in to ask Ray to be my best man. He had class and didn't act like he expected it, but when I popped the question he had me shut the office door. He busted out a hug on me and then poured us each a healthy blue label. Said he'd be honored, all that. I don't dunk tank much on extreme moments but it was cool and it was a thing. We took an extra one and he even talked for a bit real wise on how a woman can improve a man. I didn't know where he got any of that but it was polished and even sage in places. After Ray I got in place groomsmen like Téodor, Lyle, Todd, Emeril, Spongebath, and Cornelius. I know that's kind of a big party but I been warmin' up to it. I mean how often do you get it on like this in life. How often do you even get to make your dudes support you. This structure seems decent enough as it is.
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Emeril is also an Objecto-Solipsist. https://achewood.com/2010/08/03/title.html
...And to speak on a subject in which I have lately become heavily invested... If you start Pink Floyd's "The Far Side of the Moon" at the same time as The Wizard of Oz the dramatic parallels are clearly quite intentional Man there is being tiresome and then there are conspirac......And to speak on a subject in which I have lately become heavily invested... If you start Pink Floyd's "The Far Side of the Moon" at the same time as The Wizard of Oz the dramatic parallels are clearly quite intentional Man there is being tiresome and then there are conspiracy theories about stoner records However it is fewer people still who know that every poem of Emily Dickinson can be read in the cadence of the Gilligan's Island theme song GILLIGAN'S ISLAND Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, A tale of a fate- EMILY DICKINSON Because I could not stop for Death, He kindly stopped for me; The carr ...And the McDonald's slogan "I'm Lovin' It" is said in exactly the cadence a woman does use when she "dabs" following a urination Watch I'm lo-vin' it ahem I'm lo-vin' it Oh shit that's Nice Pete's van Well hey there Roast Beef! It's fun to see you out at such a fine hour Listen I've got Téodor in here why don't you join us for some good times and maybe a tasty slider or "mailbox baseball" cough Oh man he actually does have Téodor back there Brisket36 Hayup SOON. Emeril can be a tiresome bastard, but even tiresome bastards have their strengths.
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Philippe is missing! https://achewood.com/2006/04/17/title.html
Emeril: Well I don't know Spongebath if you ask me that sounds as phony as the lunar landing Lyle: You read Ralph Rene's book, Emeril? Emeril: Yes and if you did find it as provocative as I you may want to take on loan on my copy of Moonfaker Beef's cell phone: ...when I went t...Emeril: Well I don't know Spongebath if you ask me that sounds as phony as the lunar landing Lyle: You read Ralph Rene's book, Emeril? Emeril: Yes and if you did find it as provocative as I you may want to take on loan on my copy of Moonfaker Beef's cell phone: ...when I went to YOUR schools, YOUR churches, I went to YOUR institutional learning facilities? So how can YOU say that I'M crazy?! Beef: Oh uh excuse me a second I have a call from Téodor Lyle: Tell that guy he sucks! Beef: Okay yeah I'll try to work that in Beef: Oh uh dang man did you check in the driveway or such as crawl spaces Beef: Yeah man of course you did sorry what am I saying Jesus Beef: Guys uh there is a problem little Philippe is missing and Téodor is real off his way about it Beef: I think we got a thing in the main Emeril: If the boy is missing we must assemble at his origination and collect all as does pertain Beef: Okay yeah grab your parkas I'll run us over in the Galaxie Car radio: LOVELY RITA, METERMAID! WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT YOU Beef: Alright Téodor look we got much dudes here to find-- Emeril: There are hard spots in the carpet was a couch recently moved Téodor: Y-Yeah! We got rid of the old living room sofa today! He... he asked about it! Emeril: He is headed for station 3081 and he had better not get there Emeril: Zell and Cory may have intercepted him but they will be collecting and not mind him long Téodor: Why do you think he's headed after the sofa? Emeril: All I know is that I see two missing things and not one
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Package for Philippe! https://achewood.com/2002/10/28/title.html
Téodor (offpanel): Philippe! Package for you! Philippe: Oh boy! It came! Téodor: What did you get? Philippe: Watch! [[Philippe turns around showing he now has thick eyebrows]] [[Box reading: Kids! It's the... "Lil' Emeril" Eyebrow Kit LOOK LIKE EMERIL]] {{Alt Text: no one can...Téodor (offpanel): Philippe! Package for you! Philippe: Oh boy! It came! Téodor: What did you get? Philippe: Watch! [[Philippe turns around showing he now has thick eyebrows]] [[Box reading: Kids! It's the... "Lil' Emeril" Eyebrow Kit LOOK LIKE EMERIL]] {{Alt Text: no one can say this is a bad idea}}
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Serializer: What Were We Watching in 2002 https://www.patreon.com/Achewood/posts/serializer-what-133124436
clean? (subtitled) FOOD TV GOOD EATS Host Alton Brown's laughable budget once again forces him to pretend that styrofoam balls are food molecules. EMERIL LIVE Emeril makes a pot roast. In a surreal turn of events, the pot roast suffers from inexplicable and ill-timed flatulence. ...
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0126 — The Philippe Times! https://www.patreon.com/Achewood/posts/0126-philippe-129081738
wearing medals.]] They-are such as do not wish you to learn they get all that lec-trickity back after it don’ pass threw yine home. Then that next couyon down the line they goose him jus’ as well for that same “juice” Emeril and Spongebath don’t believe in electricity so much tha...
